Steve Jobs-The loss of an inspiration

“Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose.

You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”- Steve Jobs

What can I say about Steve Jobs that has not already been said? I guess just that the man, the icon meant a lot to me. The news of his death hit me harder than most have in recent years. I didn’t know Steve Jobs, but I knew him. Steve had become one of my go to people when I wanted to rally myself up and try again the "nearly anything is possible" thought process.  So, in death Steve once again teaches me that not everything is possible and that life is too precious to waste.

Rarely have I read the news of the passing of a stranger with more than a hint of interest. I remember when Elvis died and I knew that a legend was gone. I remember hearing about John Lennon and spending the rest of the day listening to his music and reading about him, strangely numb from the loss of a hero.I rememer thinking that Jerry Garcia would be missed and then having a beer in his honor. I remember seeing the report of Hunter S. Thompson’s untimely demise and somehow smiling thinking how he went out on his terms. That is about the extent of my memories of celebrity deaths, but Steve Jobs was different.

Steve was the man that taught me that beauty can bring as much value to something as functionality. Steve taught me that business could be cool. Steve taught me that you can be brash and demanding as long as people know that in the end you’re all really in it together. Steve also taught me that no matter what, in the end……it all comes down to the legacy that you leave behind.

So, today one less pirate roams the earth. Going forward there is one less genius, one less inspiration and sadly one less....earth shaker.

Thank you Steve, for being what I have always dreamed of being; you truly were a man in full. The world was better off for knowing you and you leave an incredible mark. Sadly, you also leave an incredible void.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.

Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking.

Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice.

And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become.

Everything else is secondary.

-Steve Jobs

February 24, 1955 – October 5, 2011

Hey man.....I'm with the Band. Getting to know a great new band first hand.

“The best band in the world is playing tonight, and they are playing the Holiday Inn in Boise.”

That’s what I’ve said a hundred times before when I was confronted by the next big musical act that had overtaken the music scene. For every Lady Ga Ga or Justin Bieber created by marketing and media manipulation there are a hundred more talented bands that just do not get the same breaks. Nearly every city has a band that is made up of talented, skilled musicians and sadly they struggle to get recognition.

I have some friends that are there now. The band is Tin Cup Gypsy from Nashville, Tennessee by way of Arizona. This band is talented. This band plays real instruments, and they do it well enough to back up major musical stars like Sara Evans, Josh Turner and Orla Fallon, but they also do it well enough that backing stars is just not enough.

This band wants to make it on their own and trust me, this band is about to make it big.

Get to know these names; Jonathon and Jordan Lawson, Brothers and superior musicians that can play anything with strings. Jonathon sings and plays guitar, Jordan sings and plays mandolin and other stringed instruments. Tyler Oban plays percussion and may have the best hair on God’s green Earth. The other member of TCG is Cassandra Lawson, she has an angels voice, plays the concertina and when she walks onstage all eyes focus on her. Despite the fact that her talents are obvious, one cannot miss the fact that this is one beautiful lady.

I’ve seen them play a few times and always came away impressed by the musicianship and the cordial way they treated fans after the show.  But last month, I saw them in a different light playing in a small venue in small town Indiana. Despite a smallish crowd they played the room like they were playing a 60,000 seat festival. They gave the same quality of show playing to 100 as they would to 2000, an ethic rarely seen these days, and that is one of the reasons that I think they are poised to “make it”.

After the show, the members of the band met me and my friends for food and beverages. After spending a few hours, you quickly learn that the cordial meet and greet they give fans after a show is no act. These are really good people, shockingly normal, charming and funny,  they’ll tell you their life stories keeping you engaged for hours. The way they treat people and their natural personalities are the key to their future success. Are they talented musicians….Yes. Great voices….Yes. Honestly, there are hundreds of bands like that. But talent wrapped in the package of great people…. That is not so common.

Anyway, I could fawn over this band for hours. At the bottom of the page I have posted a link to their website. Please check them out. Watch some of their YouTube videos. If they come to your area, go see them. You will not be disappointed. Take the time to meet them and you’ll make new friends.

Their website: http://www.tincupgypsy.com/

"The Book of Me" - Authoring my authentic life

“Life’s a tragedy and it’s a comedy, but it should be a passion play.”

- Loudon Wainwright III

It’s up to us all to decide how we will live our lives; much of that decisions come from how we define it.  In literary terms, it’s up to us whether we view it as a tragedy, a comedy or a mystery. We all know that over the course of our life we will experience all of those emotions. That is normal and we all ebb and flow between the ups, downs and indecision.

Where we get into problems is when we begin to live our lives as fables, metaphors, allegories and riddles and allow those things to define our thoughts of who we are. If we come to our end of times, we will realize that we have written a very false and unsatisfying story.

So, I challenge you to decide, what will your life be?

Will you build a life built upon hyperbole, simile and parables?

Will it be a comedy or an amusing anecdote?

Will it be a tragedy or a cautionary tale?

Will it be a mystery or maybe a riddle?

Maybe more importantly…..will it be an autobiography or a biography.

Some people live their lives as a biography, allowing others to write the chapters for them. Sadly these chapters are written from an outsider’s point of view. The outsiders know enough about the person to be an “expert”, but they only know the outer layers. They cannot help them write their authentic life.

I choose to live my life as an autobiography. It will be written by me and me alone. I am the guide and I am the author. I shall seek MY true path and live MY life. It may end up a tragedy but I am hoping for a passion play.

"We are addicted to our thoughts.

We cannot change anything if we cannot change our thinking."

– Santosh Kalwar

There I was hanging out with Magic Johnson.....or something like that.

Someone asked me the other day if there were any famous people that I had not met. They were joking of course, but I really have had the good fortune to be able to meet lots of famous and some infamous people. They asked me to name names of who I have met along the way.

The list is huge and someday I should write them down as best as I can remember, but I know that I would leave some off.

So, to satisfy the curiosity of some…..I’ll be a name dropper for the day.

Baseball- Steve Garvey, Randy Johnson, Carl Erskine, Reggie Jackson, Harmon, Killebrew, Joe Morgan, George Foster, and dozens of others

Basketball- Magic Johnson, James Worthy, Bonzi Wells, Mark Jackson, Bill Walton, Dick Vitale and several others

Football- John Madden, Peyton Manning, Steve Young, Tony Mandarich and many others

Racing- AJ Foyt, Michael Andretti, Dale Jr, Tony Stewart, Bobby Labonte, Kenny Bernstein, John Force, Nicky Haden and hundreds of others on the NASCAR, IRL, CART, MOTO GP, American Lemans and Rolex circuits.

Golf- Arnold Palmer, Tiger Woods, Lefty, Vijay Sing, Fuzzy Zoeller, John Daly, Steve Elkington and most of the tour golfers of our time.

Hollywood- Clint Eastwood, Andy Garcia, James Woods, Heather Locklear, James Brolin, Eric Estrada, George Lopez, Bill Murray, and a handful of others.

Art- Peter Max, Mackenzie Thorpe, Grace Slick (now an artist), and others.

Music- Tim McGraw, Clint Black, Dre’ and Snoop, Ratt, Kenny Wayne Shepard, Edwin McCain, Justin Timberlake, Alice Cooper, Darius Rucker and about fifty other bands

Politics/famous characters- Wavy Gravy, Tommie Smith, Sonny Barger, Jesse Jackson, and some others.

I met most of them through my jobs.

Would I say that any of us are friends. No.

Do I have a few of their personal cell phone numbers? Yes.

Have I had dinner with some? Yes.

Have I sat next to them at games? Yes.

Have I hung out backstage with some? Yes.

Have picked up a few at the airport? Yes.

Can I introduce you? No.  J

You're better off giving up? Sorry man, not today.

You may say I’m a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.- John Lennon

I read a study yesterday that concluded that pessimists were actually happier than optimists.

The theory is that people with a pessimistic view of the world were less disappointed when their life plans were not reached than those that were optimistic. So, if neither group reached their life goals then the pessimists (who knew that they would not happen anyway) dealt with it better than the less successful optimists.

This theory is counterintuitive at best. So, in this strange case of reverse logic people are better off to assume the worst and realize that no matter what they do they will never reach their dreams?

Sorry Professor, I can’t live like that. I cannot go through life assuming that I am screwed from day one. I have to keep hope in my heart and wish for the best. Some days that is the only thing that gets me out of bed.

I have a naturally pessimistic streak. I struggle with it every day. With that being said, I know that I am far happier when I try and stay on a positive thought path. If I lived by the theory of the study, I, like many would fall into a very negative thought pattern.

But, I’ve seen far too many people overcome and prosper. I’ve seen too many people follow crazy dreams and succeed to ever say that it is better off to never dream of more. I refuse to accept less than the best that this world has to offer.

So, call me crazy….I’ll try and stay positive and get up each day with some hope in my heart. As they say in the military, FIDO*, for those faint of heart the acronym’s definition is at the bottom of this blog.

“All human beings are also dream beings.

Dreaming ties all mankind together.”

-Jack Kerouac

*FIDO- Military jargon for “Fuck it, drive on.”

Reliving the 60's- One place at a time.

"If someone thinks that peace and love are just a cliche that must have been left behind in the 60s, that's a problem."

– John Lennon

1960-1969 were turbulent times in America. I love what those years stand for in our history and the changes those years brought to our country.

But I am also not naïve enough to think that it was a storybook time or that even all of America went through the same experience. I fully recognize a huge portion of American had two 1950’s and went straight to the 1970’s and missed the whole peace, love and hippie experience.

I fully understand that while some were deciding what to wear to the big dance others were organizing movements.

I “get” that while some were sitting in with the Beatles, others were “knee deep in rice paddies”.

But for me, the Haight-Ashbury, Martin Luther King, Jr. and Abbie Hoffman 60’s are how I prefer to think of that period.

I was born late in the decade in 1966. So, like many Americans I was there but pretty much missed it. Missing it was not my fault. It is hard to hoist a peace sign while carrying a blankie. I’d like to think that given a few more years I would have been in there fighting the good fight and standing up to the man. Sadly, my protest years were to develop way too late to make a difference.

So, I have to recreate those times by visiting some of the key historical places as I travel. I’ve had the good fortune to stand on some hallowed historical ground that most of us have seen only in textbooks or on the History Channel and I have met some of the key people that made it all happen.

I’ve stood on the corner of Haight and Ashbury where the Hippies spawned the peace movement and driven by the Altamont Speedway area that for one night was anything but peaceful.

I’ve touched the stage at the Monterey County fairgrounds where Jimi burned his guitar and I’ve hung out with some of the same Hell’s Angels that nearly beat Hunter S. Thompson to death.

I have looked out over the field where four students were gunned down at Kent State and out the window looking over Dealey Plaza where we lost JFK.  

I have visited the Ebenezer Baptist Church where Martin Luther King, Jr. preached and also the Loraine Hotel where he died.

I’ve stood at the Vietnam War Memorial looking up the guys from my home town and I’ve laughed at photos of Ken Kesey’s, Merry Pranksters shown to me by an acquaintance.

I’ve met friends of Carlos Santana and enemies of the Grateful Dead.

I’ve had beers in Big Sur and thought of Kerouac, Ginsberg and the Beat boys and picnicked at Golden Gate Park with hopes of seeing girls “with flowers in their hair”.

I’ve met Wavy Gravy, Bobby Seale, Arlo Guthrie, Sonny Barger, Peter Max, Grace Slick and other 60’s notables with varying degrees of success. Wavy, the “mayor of the Haight” was funny, Sonny Barger, the “unofficial” President of the Hell’s Angels….was shockingly charming. Tommie Smith was a gentleman, Peter Max was the eccentric artist as I expected, Bobby Seale was cordial and kind, particularly for a Black Panther and Jesse Jackson was…..Jesse Jackson.

With every encounter I find that each one stirred a different unexpected emotion.  Kent State hit me hard emotionally as did the Lorraine Hotel. Dealey Plaza left me wondering. Arnold Palmer had me speechless. Grace Slick made me sad.

But with each encounter comes a small bit of understanding and recognition of the times that were. So, I ask you to look at our history and find a period that means something to you, a time that touches you and intrigues you then go find those places and if possible the people.

Maybe you’re a Civil War person; then go see Gettysburg, Pickett’s Mill, Antietam and Manassas.

If you’re a World War 2 person, visit Toccoa, Normandy and Iwo Jima.

Whatever your particular thing is, go to those places and make them real.  You owe it to yourself and to those people who sacrificed for us to see the places where history happened and to understand them just a little bit better. If possible meet some of the participants, ask questions, and learn. Trust me, you’ll never regret it.

If you want to understand today, you have to search yesterday.

-Pearl Buck

Grandma Ratliff was right

In my job, I get to meet some amazing young people and they are some of the best and the brightest.  I have been on the campus at Wharton Business School and held meetings at M.I.T. I have had beverages with guys who attended Harvard and some of the best Tech schools in the world and have walked away so impressed with these young people.


But every so often I meet someone who "jumps the shark". The outlier who truly believes that they are a gift to the world, yet are so undeserving of that mantle. I could wax on poetically about the amazing ones, but I'd prefer to discuss the one who is confused. I’d like to speak to the one that was a lot like the 23 year old…..me.

My Grandma Ratliff used to have a saying. She would say…

"I'd love to buy him for what he's worth and sell him for what he thinks he's worth. Then I'd be a wealthy woman."

Have you ever known a person like that?

I do, and I feel sorry for him.

Not in that, “oh my, that’s a horrible disease" way, but more in the “Man the reckoning is going to be hard for you” kind of way?

I have an acquaintance that definitely falls into the latter category.

Bright, 20 odd, handsome, so much potential

The world hates him. Well, not everyone, just anyone who spends more than five minutes and see’s the real him.

Yet he walks the earth as a self righteous man. Arrogant to a fault, he is self serving and judgmental of everyone he comes into contact with.

I feel sad for him because I used to be him.

He believes that he is the smartest guy in the room and sadly is not even the smartest guy on his end of the table.

I feel sad for him because I used to be him.

There will be a time, when he gets a real job and he will act then like he acts now and Joe Paisley Tie across from him will crush him. Sadly my acquaintance will not understand why.

I feel sad for him because I used to be him.

He thinks the world loves him….and they don’t. Because they quickly realize that he is only cordial if you can do something for him.

I feel sad for him because I used to be him.

You may ask why I feel sad for this person. He is obviously not a worthy person.

I feel sad for him because life has a way of bringing down some heavy stuff. When it does, self opinion has a way of paying the toll for your failings. During those times you stop being an ignorant 23 year old and you become a man. That is a hard transition. It will be hard for him to question himself. It will be hard to recognize that he did not know everything. It will be hard when he realizes that there were great people in his life that he dismissed so easily, while he now sits alone.

I feel sorry for him, but in the same time I would love to meet him at 33, 43 or 53 and watch the progression. I guarantee this, the 43 year old version or the 53 year version will be a different person…a better person. By definition alone, they would almost have to be.

“But time I cannot change. So here's to looking back. You know I drink a whole bottle of my pride and I toast to change to keep these demons off my back,
just get these demons off my back.

 ‘Cause I want to shimmer, I want to shine, I want to radiate. I want to live, I want to love. I want to try to learn not to hate,
try not to hate.”

- Shawn Mullins

Thanks for the inspiration J.L. - you know who you are.

Bucket List #34, Have Beignets at Café du Monde.

“In a Bourbon Street bar, I received my first scar

from an old man so tattered and torn.”

- Jimmy Buffet

I first heard those words around 1982, riding around in a car with my good friend Rob Slagle. On that day we had the windows rolled down and we made a promise that someday we would give New Orleans a go.

From that moment on I have been fascinated by all things New Orleans. It is simply a place like no other. It is a mixing bowl of cultures and one of the few places on Earth that being eccentric is not only accepted but encouraged.

“It’s a strange situation, wild occupation…Living my life like a song.”

New Orleans has many famous landmarks; The Acme Oyster House, Tipitina’s, Brennan’s, The Commanders Palace, etc. But there is one place that sums up New Orleans better than all the rest. That place is the Café du Monde. The Decatur Street coffee shop was founded in 1862 and has been open 24/7 ever since except for Christmas day and when the occasional hurricane blows through town.

“Coffee is strong at the Café du Monde. Donuts are too hot to touch.

Just like a fool, when those sweet goodies cool…..

I eat ‘til I eat way too much.”

The Café is known for its café au lait coffee, chicory blend and French style donuts called beignets’ and when a place is known for something worldwide, why mess with tradition?

The Café du Monde

This leads me to this morning, and my scratching off #34 on my Bucket List.

Café au lait and fresh beignets’

But the coffee and donuts really are not the point of this story.

The trip to New Orleans with Rob never happened. It was just another of the many things lost on a summer night when a motorcycle crash took his life in his early 20’s.

It may seem like a small item on my Bucket List, but it was one that was a long time in coming. I leave with a joyful sense of a promise fulfilled and a hint of sadness for a friend long lost.

“Cause I’m living in things that excite me, be they pastries or lobsters or love. I’m just trying to get by, being quiet and shy in a world full of push and shove.”

Thanks again for the inspiration Mr. Buffet

and to my friends Kamal, Jon and Larry for joining me on my mission.

Dreams vs. Fantasy, and yes.... there is a difference

“All of us failed to match our dreams of perfection.

So I rate us on the basis of our splendid failure to do the impossible.”

- William Faulkner

There comes a time in every man’s life when you realize that some of your dreams are just not going to happen. They don’t need to be abandoned, but they do need to be re-shelved under the fantasy section of our brains. I have a nice sized area cordoned off for just those types of things.

Now the difficult part is differentiating between the dreams and the fantasies. The truly hard part is moving the long held dreams up on the fantasy shelf.

Some are hard:

Giving up my baseball dream was very hard and sometimes even today, I’ll think back to what if’s and get a bit sad. Now, I know that the Dodgers will not be calling a 45 year old to tell me to grab my first basemen’s mitt anytime soon. I will never tip my hat after a walk off homer and sadly, the Hall of Fame will not be asking for my bat. So, I have to file that one up on the shelf and I’m good with that. I’ll just look for my home runs in other places.

Some are easy:

Hiking the Appalachian Trail always seemed more glamorous than I am sure it really is and I’m not big on mosquitoes. My feet hurt after ten miles and I really like sleeping in a bed. I realized awhile ago that this was a romantic notion that was fueled by one too many Men’s Journal articles. I like the outdoors, but hiking 2,100 miles over seven months? Thank you, no. I’ve got places to travel, but this will not be one of them.

Some were inevitable:

Even at age fourteen, I knew that I was never going to see Bobby Keller’s Sister naked, but, that did not stop me from dreaming.  I dreamed of proms, movies and date nights. Sadly, the fact she was nineteen and I barely fourteen proved to be too much of a hurdle.  So, my Cameron Crowe-like fantasy of holding up my boom box or faithfully recreating some John Hughes inspired moment, to sway her affections , in reality was just never going to come.  But then again, I doubt that I have missed much and have experienced many much better moments.

And some hurt:

Sometimes the really painful dreams involve second chances. Second chances rarely come; whether they are from past relationships, past lives, past successes or past failures. Those things are said to be in the past for a reason, they are gone. We all have things we would change or things we wish that we would have done differently, but recognizing that the more we live in the past the less that we are living in the now.  Now is truly all that we have that is certain. So I need to keep my eyes forward and drive on.

I suppose that the point is this, knowing which things are possible and which things are not can lead you to a greater overall happiness. Sure, I can sit around and pine away for Dodger Blue, but that is clearly not going to happen. So, I need to invest that time accomplishing other dreams.

Now I’m not filing these things away forever. Fantasy time still needs to exist and we need to embrace it. Embracing it is not dwelling on it. There is nothing better on a sleepy Saturday afternoon than nodding off to my little fantasy that I like to call “Jim’s Home run Derby”. But if I let my “failure” to have accomplished all my “dreams” make me a bitter old man, that’s a problem.  I refuse to tie my whole life and my daily attitude up with dreams that were actually just fantasies gone unfulfilled.

The key is to know the difference between dreams and reality

and learning how to embrace one…………….

without completely losing the other.

Working with a "Life Coach"

We all need a mentor or guide from time to time, so I have decided to work with a life coach. It’s a weird thing for me. I don’t talk about myself easily and I am much more comfortable helping friends work through their stuff.

In fact, I “coach” others on an informal basis often getting many calls, emails or texts a day to discuss other people’s current situations. I love doing it and I sometimes think that I help them come up with things that they may not get to on their own.

But now I think that I need someone to do that for me.  I am blessed to have so many close friends, so with no offense intended to anyone, I need an outsider’s neutral opinion. I need to talk to someone that has no vested interest in me and has not been there through it all.

Weird thought, isn’t it?

When you really try and figure out your life goals and who you are vs. who you want to be… you go to a stranger. But, when you need to get down to the real stuff you need to work with someone who can call your bluff.

This should be an interesting experiment. I am excited about the possibilities. I’m hungry for change and ready to listen.

OK Coach, give me your best shot!

What’s the worst that can happen?

"Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go."

 - T.S. Eliot

What’s the worst that can happen?

I’ve said this phrase dozens of times, usually before some goofy risk challenge.

But truly, in every situation…. What really is the worst that can happen?

Sure there are concerns with every situation, new or old. "What if I stay? What if I leave? What if...?"

What’s the worst that can happen?

Is that truly a deciding factor? Odds are good that you really don’t think about it. So, why are our feet made of concrete? Why the hesitation?

What’s the worst that can happen?

Is your life in danger? Will you hurt another? Will it cause a divorce? Will you lose a friend?

If the answer is no…. then go for it?

We live in an amazing country where almost anything is possible….If we are willing to take the risks. 

It’s only the lucky break that matters. The rest is up to you.

Fried Chicken and Waffles

Sometimes things just don’t seem to go together. When I first heard about the concept of fried chicken and waffles I thought to myself…. “This just may not work out”. But I pressed on as a group of friends decided to give it a go at Gladys Knight’s Fried Chicken and Waffles in Atlanta, Georgia.

When the plates arrived we all kind of circled around them not exactly sure how to approach this unholy concoction. I was afraid and uncertain on whether to slather syrup on the waffles for fear of it getting on the chicken, only to realize that the combination of the sweet waffle and the savory chicken was a natural combination. Our fears were wholly unfounded and we were both shocked and delighted.

I’ve tried it again in several places; Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles in Los Angeles and Maxine’s in Indianapolis. Each time I am delighted by the combination and I think back to my initial trepidations.

Life is kind of like that. Sometimes your initial angst over a situation is overtaken by the joy that it brings in another moment. Maybe it’s a first date that leads to a soul mate or a sports tryout that leads to a full trophy case, but we’ve all had those moments when we realize that our initial fears were completely unjustified.

It’s ok to let a little self doubt fuel you, if you don’t let it stop you. It’s ok to fear an outcome, as long as you’re open to the possibilities.

Don’t worry about it…. that is the good stuff. That’s the fried chicken and waffles of life.

“Every tomorrow has two handles.

We can take hold with the handle of anxiety or the hand of faith.”

- Henry Ward Beecher

A Wanderer's Heart

“Not all those who wander are lost.” -J.R.R. Tolkein

It’s hard to love where you are when you’re always traveling. I mean that figuratively not literally. I have a difficult time being settled in one place when my heart is always wandering.

My heart lives in places where I am not.

I am a man with two hometowns, seven favorite cities and a damned good reason to be in at least five other places. So, my heart travels without me.

When I’m in Indy, I long for Monterey. When I am in Dallas, I miss Boston and don’t even ask me about Phoenix…..

It’s exhausting.

I can think of nothing sadder than unrequited love and when those lost loved places are ignored they will demand attention: whether it is physical or emotional.
What should I do when these thoughts take over? Should I ignore the pull of places long lost or should I smile and make a plan to find those places again?

I think today, I shall plan…….

“Once you have traveled, the voyage never ends,

but is played out over and over again in the quietest chambers.

The mind can never break off from the journey.”

– Pat Conroy

I wanna Dance! No Really......

Damn it, I have a confession to make.

I wanna dance!

No......really

Yeah I know what you’re thinking and no, I’m not going to be out there flailing away anytime soon. But it’s something that I always wished I could do. However when you’re built like a fire hydrant, you’re probably better suited to play Full Back than emulating Patrick Swayze.

Oh, there was a time when I would watch Fred Astaire and think “Jim, you should be a hoofer” only to try a move that resembled an epileptic seizure more than a rhythmic dance. Now, no offense intended to anyone who’s an epileptic, but I have the rhythm of a bull moose and it was just not meant to be.

In my High School years, I watched as the guys at school would go out on the gym floor and dance. I envied the fact that they had girls lined up to dance with them. It was many years later that I realized the girls were lined up because there were only seven guys willing to dance and three hundred girls. So, the odds were indeed, clearly in their favor.

Generally, I too was busting a move….. way over there, next to the punchbowl. My friends and I would watch the “bad boys” break dance and marvel at Billy Gribbons as he would twirl and spin, replete in his parachute pants and that Michael Jackson “Thriller” jacket. God, how I wanted zippers and nylon pants, but they too really weren’t designed with me in mind.  We thought he was cool, but then again, we were too afraid of him not to think that. I mean, he thought he was cool and that was plenty good enough for us.  In retrospect, it would have been so much cooler if Billy weren’t a white dude with a fro, but I digress.

In fairness, my High School years were not exactly filled with dance classics and my not being Danny Terrio really didn’t affect me all that much. I mean, I knew I was never going on Dance Fever, so I was content to listen to Van Halen, The Who and The Clash. …you know music that you could head nod to. Until the summer of ’86 and the Kinks made dancing seem cool again when they sang…….

“Come dancing, Come on, and have yourself a ball.

Don't be afraid to come dancing, It's only natural.”

Damn you Ray Davies, why must you taunt me?

Every so often, I’ve been haunted by the dancing bone. Every now and again, I hear that familiar voice like some sirens song saying “Come on Jim, you can do it” only to crash on the rocks of rhythm, coordination and self consciousness. Because as we all know everyone was looking at….me…..and we......can’t have…that.

Later in life I’ve witnessed many people out there dancing and just going for it. Sometimes there is someone on the floor with moves reminiscent of a mating sea lion and they are blissfully unaware of their skills or lack thereof. Many times I have seen people watch and laugh. Sometimes…. I have even been that guy. But the dancers were the ones who should have been laughing, knowing that they were the brave ones.

 There is a great quote from the movie Tin Cup about defining moments “when a defining moment comes along, you define the moment... or the moment defines you.” Well I refuse to be defined as a non-dancer. I’m ready to be one of the brave ones.

Next time I’m going out there and……pray for a slow dance.

Baby steps man….baby steps.

“Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance
and when you get the choice to

sit it out or dance……dance”

Grandpa, Space Ships and Me

42 years ago today, on July 20, 1969, Neil Armstrong Armstrong said "I'm going to step off the LEM now" He turned and set his left boot on the surface of the moon.  Then spoke the famous words…..

"That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind."

 From that day on, space ships played a part of many of my childhood dreams. They were fascinating and the people who rode upon them were my heroes.

My love for space ships came honestly. I learned about them from my Grandpa who admired them so. Looking back, I’m sure that they were an amazing thing for the simple man from Kentucky. His life’s travels totaled four states and about a thousand miles. The idea of going to the moon was unimaginable.

On December 7, 1972, My childhood changed a bit. I remember my Grandpa calling me into the living room to watch TV. Walter Cronkite was talking about the Apollo launch that was happening that afternoon. We sat and watched every minute of the coverage from the staging to the launch.  I’m not sure who was more excited about the launch, him or me, but I know that I remember it in detail. I remember the countdown, the launch and the excitement in Grandpa’s voice as he screamed “Jimmy, would you look at that.” I’ll never forget the moment or the man.

As an adult, the Space program and its various launches have always brought back memories of those childhood dreams and my Grandpa. Unfortunately, tomorrow those regular reminders will go away when the last Space Shuttle lands on terra firma. But today, I choose to remember the man who showed me how to "keep my feet on the ground but keep reaching for the stars."

Grandpa was a hulking man. His tastes were simple and came from being a child of the Depression. Always soft spoken and kind, I do not remember him ever raising his voice to anyone. He spent his days as a Tool and Die Maker at the local appliance factory and his evenings in his recliner chair watching the news and Lawrence Welk. As near as I can tell, there were only a few things in life that ever got his true attention; The Cincinnati Red Legs, Walter Cronkite, space launches and me.

I remember him coming home from work and quickly finding his recliner and me quickly finding his lap. When you’re a small boy, the lap of a man this large was a place in which you could disappear. I remember to this day his musty smell from a day at the factory and I always thought that he smelled like soup. I would watch in fascination as he would roll his own cigarettes and lick them sealed. Sometimes I would pick up his Zippo lighter, the one with the Rebel Soldier and the phrase “Rebel Yell”, and light the cigarette for him…..always to my Grandma’s chagrin.

We would play banjo on the porch, Listen to the Reds, mow the yard and chop wood. Chopping wood was high on my Grandma’s watch list, because she was certain that my five year old fingers were in jeopardy. She would stomp and scream, lose control and yell that she would rather see a “Coal black rattlesnake in my hands” than the small hatchet that I used to massacre the tree stumps in the basement. I always thought that was funny. I mean everyone knows that you can’t chop wood with a rattlesnake.

As a child who’s Dad had died, I loved the man time with Grandpa. All the games, mowing and chopping were great, but my favorite times were when we would “run away”. Our version of running away was a walk to the local Village Pantry convenience store. We’d walk the five blocks talking nonstop about the Big Red Machine, buy some RC Cola’s and sit outside the store on a picnic table in the sun. He would talk to me about life and tell me that I "could do anything". Before we left, Grandpa would always insist that we “forgot” something and needed to go back in the store. It turns out that we always forgot baseball cards or green soldier men for me. We would walk home to a seemingly angry Grandma, who was mad because we’d been “gone all day.” Little did I know that this was all an act conjured up by my Grandpa to assure that we’d have to make it up to her by taking her into town for a piece of Kunkle’s pie.

That was the man that he was. He spoke of me going to college and chasing my dreams. He told me that there was a "big world out there, don't miss it"....implying that maybe he had. He wanted me to know that there was something more for me out there and when he said that I "could do anything", he meant it.

So, needless to say, a week ago, I was saddened to see the last NASA Space Shuttle take flight and I’m even sadder that tomorrow will be that last landing thereby ending the program. It will be one less reminder of the man and the role that he played in my life.

I fear that future generations won’t have these moments. Our sophisticated ways make it difficult to recognize the simple pleasures of life or the amazing ones. Xbox 360’s have replaced green army men, instant messaging has replaced long walks and now there is no more space program to fascinate young minds. Progress in many ways fuels the world, but are we “gaining the world, but losing our souls”?

This world needs more people that are willing to invest the time to be good teachers, coaches and role models. I pray that there are more guides and mentors that will take the time to teach kids about using their imagination, chasing dreams and the pleasure that comes from simple things. I hope that every kid finds people to teach them......like my Grandpa did for me.

“If a child is to keep alive his inborn sense of wonder ...

 he needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share it,

rediscovering with him the joy, excitement, and mystery of the world we live in.”
- Rachel Carson

The Princess with the funny shaped crown

“‘I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders.”- Jewish Proverb

In everyone’s life hopefully there are people that motivate and inspire them. I refer to these people as touch stones. A touch stone is actually an assayer’s tool for identifying precious metals. I use the term as a way of identifying precious people.

One of my touch stones is a little girl named Mariella. She was born with a very scary medical condition. I have the good fortune of calling Mariella’s Mom my friend. About six years ago, Kathy introduced me to this special little girl. The world knows her as Mariella. I know her as my Princess.

At only seven years old, the Princess has seen more of the world than most. Unfortunately many of those travels have been to some of the finest medical facilities in America. Mariella was born with a condition known as Ectodermal Dysplasias (ED). E.D. is a condition that causes the bones in her tiny skull to fuse instead of expanding as she grows. As her brain grows it pushes against her skull which cannot expand to meet that growth. The condition is very rare as are some of the other “less” threatening symptoms that are also part of the mix.

As I said earlier, Mariella has been tested in some of the finest medical facilities known to man. World renowned specialists at medical centers like Stanford University have tested her looking for answers to what causes her to suffer from this condition. Each time they have come back with only bits and pieces of a diagnosis. As rare as a disease like as Ectodermal Dysplasias is, Mariella’s version of it is even rarer and the continued fusing of her skull has required multiple surgeries to her head and face.

Through it all, my friend Kathy has been strong. She has kept it together as a single mom and has employed every option despite the costs or time commitment. People are sometimes described as being a “rock”. In this case, the woman has been chiseled from granite.

There is a saying about apples falling and trees and in this case the child is obviously her Mothers daughter; a mother of pride and dignity pushing through adversity and refusing to fail. This Mothers spirit permeates the child and that has shaped Mariella into one my touch stones. I hope to try and emulate her spirit and to live as she does; Fearless, engaged and enthusiastic.

Fearless to the point of being scary at times, she is unafraid of new places. She is unencumbered with the fear of striking out on her own. This child is an adventurous soul who has seen some of the worst that life has to offer and has come out unafraid to approach life on her terms.

Engaged and completely open to new people, she is always welcoming of strangers who quickly become her friends. Even those people who are at first distracted by her appearance soon only see the beauty of her soul.

Enthusiastic….The child is a fire ball. When others might hide in a corner, she is the typical seven year old. Dancing, singing and jumping as you would expect a child her age to do. Feeling bad? No problem. In pain from surgery? No problem. She does not let those “little” things deprive her of living life as she wants to live it.

So as I look at this child what do I see?  Challenges? Yes. Obvious differences? You Bet.

But I also see a person that is overcoming obstacles and is not letting excuses get in her way. She reminds me to be fearless. She reminds me to stay engaged. She reminds me that the enthusiasm that you put into life and into relationships comes back ten fold. She reminds me to smile. She reminds me to live.

Thank you Princess.

“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”- M. Kathleen Casey

Help Wanted: Superman, apply within

I want to go to Darfur.

Yes, I know what you’re thinking…. “Well who doesn’t?” But, I’m serious. I want to go to the middle of that mess and see what I can do to help. I have no false pretenses about fixing the situation. I mean, this African region in Sudan has suffered through war and famine since before I was born and I know no one man can end the situation. But I am certain I can help.

“Don’t hesitate to do something just because you can’t do everything.”

I know me and I know that I would be forever changed. I know that I would be haunted by the memories and that I would never look at a steak from St. Elmo’s the same way ever again. I’m prepared to live with that. I’m at the point in my life when I want to be……changed. I want to feel. I want to be uncomfortable. I want to have nightmares. I want to wake up exhausted and feed kids. I want to feel grateful and be……forever changed. 

What’s the alternative; living a life wrapped in comfort and bubble wrap? Living some Ward Cleaver-esque existance, sitting around on a Saturday debating on whether to go to Ikea, The Gap or Bob Evans?

Well, I’ll tell you what……. Fuck Ikea.

I need to find more personal battles to take up my free time. I need to pick my spots, whether it’s Darfur or any of the dozens of causes that touch me at my core. I need to dig in and stop being a hypocrite.

“and hypocrite used to be such a big word to you,

And it don’t seem to mean anything to you now.”- John Mellencamp

I know that I can’t do everything, but I can do something. It’s time for me to pick my spots and fight the good fight.  I know that Darfur won’t happen anytime soon, but for now, I can help locally. I know that I can make a difference. Moreover, I have to make a difference.

“If not me, who? And if not now, when?”- Mikhail Gorbachev

I’m not Superman, I don’t have a cape and god knows the next time that I wear spandex will be the first. I am no miracle worker and my odds of walking on water are pretty slim. I know that I will not be able to help them all, but I can surely help one. I can, and I must and I promise you this…..I will try and carry the following words in my heart every day.

“There are two kinds of gratitude; the sudden kind we feel for what we take and the larger kind we feel for what we give.”

- Edwin Arlington Robinson

Join me, Wont you?