My Mom would have been Damn Proud!

I remember my first day at Ball State like it was yesterday. My Mom dropped me off at my new dorm and a few minutes later a blond headed guy in camouflage pants burst into my room with a water machine gun and said “Beers in my room 7pm” and walked out. I thought to myself that I was indeed in new territory.

The big blond kid, as it turns out would be Troy Hammon. Troy would turn into a friend, then a fraternity brother and despite his obvious issues is now a successful teacher with a wife and some great kids. But the point is, the first person I met on campus would be connected to Phi Sigma Kappa at a later date.

Phi Sigma Kappa would be a reoccurring theme throughout my first few months at Ball State. This was mostly due to the fact that my dorm was loaded with them. They seemed to be cool enough guys and often Mark Anderson would buy pizza and talk about the house. Mark was a good guy that was built like a statue of Buddha. He would harass me about coming to the Phi Sig house. To be completely honest I really did not think of myself as the “Frat Boy” type.

The combination of not thinking that I was frat material and being dirt poor kind of confirmed in my mind that I would not be joining Phi Sig. But in Mark’s mind, I was joining and that was all there was to it.

After being asked and asked, I took a trip over to the house to meet the guys and attend a party. I remember walking into this ass ugly green farm house with this big front porch. I met a few of the guys and once again, they seemed cool enough.

I was standing on the big white front porch when two guys came out; one big hulking guy and one who was rail thin. The big guy introduced himself as “Sinker” and said “don’t ask it’s a long story”. The thin guy smoked like a chimney and shook a lot. He was to be called “Harry”. Standing there talking to the mountainous “Sinker” and the ever shaking “Harry”, somehow I decided that this was the place for me.

I was a mutt and they were indeed mutts as well and I figured that if they fit in….how bad could it be.  

The next day I called my Mom and told her that I wanted to be a fraternity man. My mom blew a gasket, and gave me a dissertation regarding money and “buying friends” and beer and….. it just went on and on. So, I knew that if I was going to join, it would have to be secret and I would have to pay for it myself, which is what I did, only telling her that I had joined months later. I know that had I not met Mark, Jeff (Sinker) and Greg (Harry) I would not have even been interested in joining (I guess that we can all blame them).  Ha

Mom eventually got her mind right and began to hate the idea just a little bit less. Over the years I remained a Phi Sig at Ball State, Mom would stop by the house and shake her head at the poor conditions and ask why I would want to live in a place like this. She did seem to start to ease up on the negativity when I was elected President.  

Overtime, I don’t think she was convinced but she fought about it less. She even seemed to be proud to wear her “Phi Sig Mom” sweatshirt to work. I am guessing that it was her way of bragging a bit to her co-workers.

Over the years my involvement with Phi Sig has ebbed and flowed with marriage, moving and divorce.  But, about a year ago, I was going through a bad period and several of my brothers were helping me through it and mom finally understood a bit better. She even went as far as saying “It is great that you guys are still there for each other.” And even threw in a “I really didn’t get it.” I was shocked that it was audibly mumbled. Crazy talk from the a woman that had fought tooth and nail to keep me from joining in the first place.

Sadly, the day she really would have truly “got it” was last Thursday. It was the day of her funeral and 1/3 of the people in attendance were my brothers from Ball State as well as brothers from Stetson and Valdosta State. Those same “bought” friends from 1986 were standing beside me as the day lingered on and a few helped me carry her to her final resting place.

I hope there is a heaven and that people do look down. If they do,  I know she now “Gets it” and would be Damn Proud!

Steve Jobs-The loss of an inspiration

“Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose.

You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”- Steve Jobs

What can I say about Steve Jobs that has not already been said? I guess just that the man, the icon meant a lot to me. The news of his death hit me harder than most have in recent years. I didn’t know Steve Jobs, but I knew him. Steve had become one of my go to people when I wanted to rally myself up and try again the "nearly anything is possible" thought process.  So, in death Steve once again teaches me that not everything is possible and that life is too precious to waste.

Rarely have I read the news of the passing of a stranger with more than a hint of interest. I remember when Elvis died and I knew that a legend was gone. I remember hearing about John Lennon and spending the rest of the day listening to his music and reading about him, strangely numb from the loss of a hero.I rememer thinking that Jerry Garcia would be missed and then having a beer in his honor. I remember seeing the report of Hunter S. Thompson’s untimely demise and somehow smiling thinking how he went out on his terms. That is about the extent of my memories of celebrity deaths, but Steve Jobs was different.

Steve was the man that taught me that beauty can bring as much value to something as functionality. Steve taught me that business could be cool. Steve taught me that you can be brash and demanding as long as people know that in the end you’re all really in it together. Steve also taught me that no matter what, in the end……it all comes down to the legacy that you leave behind.

So, today one less pirate roams the earth. Going forward there is one less genius, one less inspiration and sadly one less....earth shaker.

Thank you Steve, for being what I have always dreamed of being; you truly were a man in full. The world was better off for knowing you and you leave an incredible mark. Sadly, you also leave an incredible void.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.

Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking.

Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice.

And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become.

Everything else is secondary.

-Steve Jobs

February 24, 1955 – October 5, 2011

Hey man.....I'm with the Band. Getting to know a great new band first hand.

“The best band in the world is playing tonight, and they are playing the Holiday Inn in Boise.”

That’s what I’ve said a hundred times before when I was confronted by the next big musical act that had overtaken the music scene. For every Lady Ga Ga or Justin Bieber created by marketing and media manipulation there are a hundred more talented bands that just do not get the same breaks. Nearly every city has a band that is made up of talented, skilled musicians and sadly they struggle to get recognition.

I have some friends that are there now. The band is Tin Cup Gypsy from Nashville, Tennessee by way of Arizona. This band is talented. This band plays real instruments, and they do it well enough to back up major musical stars like Sara Evans, Josh Turner and Orla Fallon, but they also do it well enough that backing stars is just not enough.

This band wants to make it on their own and trust me, this band is about to make it big.

Get to know these names; Jonathon and Jordan Lawson, Brothers and superior musicians that can play anything with strings. Jonathon sings and plays guitar, Jordan sings and plays mandolin and other stringed instruments. Tyler Oban plays percussion and may have the best hair on God’s green Earth. The other member of TCG is Cassandra Lawson, she has an angels voice, plays the concertina and when she walks onstage all eyes focus on her. Despite the fact that her talents are obvious, one cannot miss the fact that this is one beautiful lady.

I’ve seen them play a few times and always came away impressed by the musicianship and the cordial way they treated fans after the show.  But last month, I saw them in a different light playing in a small venue in small town Indiana. Despite a smallish crowd they played the room like they were playing a 60,000 seat festival. They gave the same quality of show playing to 100 as they would to 2000, an ethic rarely seen these days, and that is one of the reasons that I think they are poised to “make it”.

After the show, the members of the band met me and my friends for food and beverages. After spending a few hours, you quickly learn that the cordial meet and greet they give fans after a show is no act. These are really good people, shockingly normal, charming and funny,  they’ll tell you their life stories keeping you engaged for hours. The way they treat people and their natural personalities are the key to their future success. Are they talented musicians….Yes. Great voices….Yes. Honestly, there are hundreds of bands like that. But talent wrapped in the package of great people…. That is not so common.

Anyway, I could fawn over this band for hours. At the bottom of the page I have posted a link to their website. Please check them out. Watch some of their YouTube videos. If they come to your area, go see them. You will not be disappointed. Take the time to meet them and you’ll make new friends.

Their website: http://www.tincupgypsy.com/

"The Book of Me" - Authoring my authentic life

“Life’s a tragedy and it’s a comedy, but it should be a passion play.”

- Loudon Wainwright III

It’s up to us all to decide how we will live our lives; much of that decisions come from how we define it.  In literary terms, it’s up to us whether we view it as a tragedy, a comedy or a mystery. We all know that over the course of our life we will experience all of those emotions. That is normal and we all ebb and flow between the ups, downs and indecision.

Where we get into problems is when we begin to live our lives as fables, metaphors, allegories and riddles and allow those things to define our thoughts of who we are. If we come to our end of times, we will realize that we have written a very false and unsatisfying story.

So, I challenge you to decide, what will your life be?

Will you build a life built upon hyperbole, simile and parables?

Will it be a comedy or an amusing anecdote?

Will it be a tragedy or a cautionary tale?

Will it be a mystery or maybe a riddle?

Maybe more importantly…..will it be an autobiography or a biography.

Some people live their lives as a biography, allowing others to write the chapters for them. Sadly these chapters are written from an outsider’s point of view. The outsiders know enough about the person to be an “expert”, but they only know the outer layers. They cannot help them write their authentic life.

I choose to live my life as an autobiography. It will be written by me and me alone. I am the guide and I am the author. I shall seek MY true path and live MY life. It may end up a tragedy but I am hoping for a passion play.

"We are addicted to our thoughts.

We cannot change anything if we cannot change our thinking."

– Santosh Kalwar

There I was hanging out with Magic Johnson.....or something like that.

Someone asked me the other day if there were any famous people that I had not met. They were joking of course, but I really have had the good fortune to be able to meet lots of famous and some infamous people. They asked me to name names of who I have met along the way.

The list is huge and someday I should write them down as best as I can remember, but I know that I would leave some off.

So, to satisfy the curiosity of some…..I’ll be a name dropper for the day.

Baseball- Steve Garvey, Randy Johnson, Carl Erskine, Reggie Jackson, Harmon, Killebrew, Joe Morgan, George Foster, and dozens of others

Basketball- Magic Johnson, James Worthy, Bonzi Wells, Mark Jackson, Bill Walton, Dick Vitale and several others

Football- John Madden, Peyton Manning, Steve Young, Tony Mandarich and many others

Racing- AJ Foyt, Michael Andretti, Dale Jr, Tony Stewart, Bobby Labonte, Kenny Bernstein, John Force, Nicky Haden and hundreds of others on the NASCAR, IRL, CART, MOTO GP, American Lemans and Rolex circuits.

Golf- Arnold Palmer, Tiger Woods, Lefty, Vijay Sing, Fuzzy Zoeller, John Daly, Steve Elkington and most of the tour golfers of our time.

Hollywood- Clint Eastwood, Andy Garcia, James Woods, Heather Locklear, James Brolin, Eric Estrada, George Lopez, Bill Murray, and a handful of others.

Art- Peter Max, Mackenzie Thorpe, Grace Slick (now an artist), and others.

Music- Tim McGraw, Clint Black, Dre’ and Snoop, Ratt, Kenny Wayne Shepard, Edwin McCain, Justin Timberlake, Alice Cooper, Darius Rucker and about fifty other bands

Politics/famous characters- Wavy Gravy, Tommie Smith, Sonny Barger, Jesse Jackson, and some others.

I met most of them through my jobs.

Would I say that any of us are friends. No.

Do I have a few of their personal cell phone numbers? Yes.

Have I had dinner with some? Yes.

Have I sat next to them at games? Yes.

Have I hung out backstage with some? Yes.

Have picked up a few at the airport? Yes.

Can I introduce you? No.  J

You're better off giving up? Sorry man, not today.

You may say I’m a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.- John Lennon

I read a study yesterday that concluded that pessimists were actually happier than optimists.

The theory is that people with a pessimistic view of the world were less disappointed when their life plans were not reached than those that were optimistic. So, if neither group reached their life goals then the pessimists (who knew that they would not happen anyway) dealt with it better than the less successful optimists.

This theory is counterintuitive at best. So, in this strange case of reverse logic people are better off to assume the worst and realize that no matter what they do they will never reach their dreams?

Sorry Professor, I can’t live like that. I cannot go through life assuming that I am screwed from day one. I have to keep hope in my heart and wish for the best. Some days that is the only thing that gets me out of bed.

I have a naturally pessimistic streak. I struggle with it every day. With that being said, I know that I am far happier when I try and stay on a positive thought path. If I lived by the theory of the study, I, like many would fall into a very negative thought pattern.

But, I’ve seen far too many people overcome and prosper. I’ve seen too many people follow crazy dreams and succeed to ever say that it is better off to never dream of more. I refuse to accept less than the best that this world has to offer.

So, call me crazy….I’ll try and stay positive and get up each day with some hope in my heart. As they say in the military, FIDO*, for those faint of heart the acronym’s definition is at the bottom of this blog.

“All human beings are also dream beings.

Dreaming ties all mankind together.”

-Jack Kerouac

*FIDO- Military jargon for “Fuck it, drive on.”

Reliving the 60's- One place at a time.

"If someone thinks that peace and love are just a cliche that must have been left behind in the 60s, that's a problem."

– John Lennon

1960-1969 were turbulent times in America. I love what those years stand for in our history and the changes those years brought to our country.

But I am also not naïve enough to think that it was a storybook time or that even all of America went through the same experience. I fully recognize a huge portion of American had two 1950’s and went straight to the 1970’s and missed the whole peace, love and hippie experience.

I fully understand that while some were deciding what to wear to the big dance others were organizing movements.

I “get” that while some were sitting in with the Beatles, others were “knee deep in rice paddies”.

But for me, the Haight-Ashbury, Martin Luther King, Jr. and Abbie Hoffman 60’s are how I prefer to think of that period.

I was born late in the decade in 1966. So, like many Americans I was there but pretty much missed it. Missing it was not my fault. It is hard to hoist a peace sign while carrying a blankie. I’d like to think that given a few more years I would have been in there fighting the good fight and standing up to the man. Sadly, my protest years were to develop way too late to make a difference.

So, I have to recreate those times by visiting some of the key historical places as I travel. I’ve had the good fortune to stand on some hallowed historical ground that most of us have seen only in textbooks or on the History Channel and I have met some of the key people that made it all happen.

I’ve stood on the corner of Haight and Ashbury where the Hippies spawned the peace movement and driven by the Altamont Speedway area that for one night was anything but peaceful.

I’ve touched the stage at the Monterey County fairgrounds where Jimi burned his guitar and I’ve hung out with some of the same Hell’s Angels that nearly beat Hunter S. Thompson to death.

I have looked out over the field where four students were gunned down at Kent State and out the window looking over Dealey Plaza where we lost JFK.  

I have visited the Ebenezer Baptist Church where Martin Luther King, Jr. preached and also the Loraine Hotel where he died.

I’ve stood at the Vietnam War Memorial looking up the guys from my home town and I’ve laughed at photos of Ken Kesey’s, Merry Pranksters shown to me by an acquaintance.

I’ve met friends of Carlos Santana and enemies of the Grateful Dead.

I’ve had beers in Big Sur and thought of Kerouac, Ginsberg and the Beat boys and picnicked at Golden Gate Park with hopes of seeing girls “with flowers in their hair”.

I’ve met Wavy Gravy, Bobby Seale, Arlo Guthrie, Sonny Barger, Peter Max, Grace Slick and other 60’s notables with varying degrees of success. Wavy, the “mayor of the Haight” was funny, Sonny Barger, the “unofficial” President of the Hell’s Angels….was shockingly charming. Tommie Smith was a gentleman, Peter Max was the eccentric artist as I expected, Bobby Seale was cordial and kind, particularly for a Black Panther and Jesse Jackson was…..Jesse Jackson.

With every encounter I find that each one stirred a different unexpected emotion.  Kent State hit me hard emotionally as did the Lorraine Hotel. Dealey Plaza left me wondering. Arnold Palmer had me speechless. Grace Slick made me sad.

But with each encounter comes a small bit of understanding and recognition of the times that were. So, I ask you to look at our history and find a period that means something to you, a time that touches you and intrigues you then go find those places and if possible the people.

Maybe you’re a Civil War person; then go see Gettysburg, Pickett’s Mill, Antietam and Manassas.

If you’re a World War 2 person, visit Toccoa, Normandy and Iwo Jima.

Whatever your particular thing is, go to those places and make them real.  You owe it to yourself and to those people who sacrificed for us to see the places where history happened and to understand them just a little bit better. If possible meet some of the participants, ask questions, and learn. Trust me, you’ll never regret it.

If you want to understand today, you have to search yesterday.

-Pearl Buck