What’s the worst that can happen?

"Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go."

 - T.S. Eliot

What’s the worst that can happen?

I’ve said this phrase dozens of times, usually before some goofy risk challenge.

But truly, in every situation…. What really is the worst that can happen?

Sure there are concerns with every situation, new or old. "What if I stay? What if I leave? What if...?"

What’s the worst that can happen?

Is that truly a deciding factor? Odds are good that you really don’t think about it. So, why are our feet made of concrete? Why the hesitation?

What’s the worst that can happen?

Is your life in danger? Will you hurt another? Will it cause a divorce? Will you lose a friend?

If the answer is no…. then go for it?

We live in an amazing country where almost anything is possible….If we are willing to take the risks. 

It’s only the lucky break that matters. The rest is up to you.

Fried Chicken and Waffles

Sometimes things just don’t seem to go together. When I first heard about the concept of fried chicken and waffles I thought to myself…. “This just may not work out”. But I pressed on as a group of friends decided to give it a go at Gladys Knight’s Fried Chicken and Waffles in Atlanta, Georgia.

When the plates arrived we all kind of circled around them not exactly sure how to approach this unholy concoction. I was afraid and uncertain on whether to slather syrup on the waffles for fear of it getting on the chicken, only to realize that the combination of the sweet waffle and the savory chicken was a natural combination. Our fears were wholly unfounded and we were both shocked and delighted.

I’ve tried it again in several places; Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles in Los Angeles and Maxine’s in Indianapolis. Each time I am delighted by the combination and I think back to my initial trepidations.

Life is kind of like that. Sometimes your initial angst over a situation is overtaken by the joy that it brings in another moment. Maybe it’s a first date that leads to a soul mate or a sports tryout that leads to a full trophy case, but we’ve all had those moments when we realize that our initial fears were completely unjustified.

It’s ok to let a little self doubt fuel you, if you don’t let it stop you. It’s ok to fear an outcome, as long as you’re open to the possibilities.

Don’t worry about it…. that is the good stuff. That’s the fried chicken and waffles of life.

“Every tomorrow has two handles.

We can take hold with the handle of anxiety or the hand of faith.”

- Henry Ward Beecher

A Wanderer's Heart

“Not all those who wander are lost.” -J.R.R. Tolkein

It’s hard to love where you are when you’re always traveling. I mean that figuratively not literally. I have a difficult time being settled in one place when my heart is always wandering.

My heart lives in places where I am not.

I am a man with two hometowns, seven favorite cities and a damned good reason to be in at least five other places. So, my heart travels without me.

When I’m in Indy, I long for Monterey. When I am in Dallas, I miss Boston and don’t even ask me about Phoenix…..

It’s exhausting.

I can think of nothing sadder than unrequited love and when those lost loved places are ignored they will demand attention: whether it is physical or emotional.
What should I do when these thoughts take over? Should I ignore the pull of places long lost or should I smile and make a plan to find those places again?

I think today, I shall plan…….

“Once you have traveled, the voyage never ends,

but is played out over and over again in the quietest chambers.

The mind can never break off from the journey.”

– Pat Conroy

I wanna Dance! No Really......

Damn it, I have a confession to make.

I wanna dance!

No......really

Yeah I know what you’re thinking and no, I’m not going to be out there flailing away anytime soon. But it’s something that I always wished I could do. However when you’re built like a fire hydrant, you’re probably better suited to play Full Back than emulating Patrick Swayze.

Oh, there was a time when I would watch Fred Astaire and think “Jim, you should be a hoofer” only to try a move that resembled an epileptic seizure more than a rhythmic dance. Now, no offense intended to anyone who’s an epileptic, but I have the rhythm of a bull moose and it was just not meant to be.

In my High School years, I watched as the guys at school would go out on the gym floor and dance. I envied the fact that they had girls lined up to dance with them. It was many years later that I realized the girls were lined up because there were only seven guys willing to dance and three hundred girls. So, the odds were indeed, clearly in their favor.

Generally, I too was busting a move….. way over there, next to the punchbowl. My friends and I would watch the “bad boys” break dance and marvel at Billy Gribbons as he would twirl and spin, replete in his parachute pants and that Michael Jackson “Thriller” jacket. God, how I wanted zippers and nylon pants, but they too really weren’t designed with me in mind.  We thought he was cool, but then again, we were too afraid of him not to think that. I mean, he thought he was cool and that was plenty good enough for us.  In retrospect, it would have been so much cooler if Billy weren’t a white dude with a fro, but I digress.

In fairness, my High School years were not exactly filled with dance classics and my not being Danny Terrio really didn’t affect me all that much. I mean, I knew I was never going on Dance Fever, so I was content to listen to Van Halen, The Who and The Clash. …you know music that you could head nod to. Until the summer of ’86 and the Kinks made dancing seem cool again when they sang…….

“Come dancing, Come on, and have yourself a ball.

Don't be afraid to come dancing, It's only natural.”

Damn you Ray Davies, why must you taunt me?

Every so often, I’ve been haunted by the dancing bone. Every now and again, I hear that familiar voice like some sirens song saying “Come on Jim, you can do it” only to crash on the rocks of rhythm, coordination and self consciousness. Because as we all know everyone was looking at….me…..and we......can’t have…that.

Later in life I’ve witnessed many people out there dancing and just going for it. Sometimes there is someone on the floor with moves reminiscent of a mating sea lion and they are blissfully unaware of their skills or lack thereof. Many times I have seen people watch and laugh. Sometimes…. I have even been that guy. But the dancers were the ones who should have been laughing, knowing that they were the brave ones.

 There is a great quote from the movie Tin Cup about defining moments “when a defining moment comes along, you define the moment... or the moment defines you.” Well I refuse to be defined as a non-dancer. I’m ready to be one of the brave ones.

Next time I’m going out there and……pray for a slow dance.

Baby steps man….baby steps.

“Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance
and when you get the choice to

sit it out or dance……dance”

Grandpa, Space Ships and Me

42 years ago today, on July 20, 1969, Neil Armstrong Armstrong said "I'm going to step off the LEM now" He turned and set his left boot on the surface of the moon.  Then spoke the famous words…..

"That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind."

 From that day on, space ships played a part of many of my childhood dreams. They were fascinating and the people who rode upon them were my heroes.

My love for space ships came honestly. I learned about them from my Grandpa who admired them so. Looking back, I’m sure that they were an amazing thing for the simple man from Kentucky. His life’s travels totaled four states and about a thousand miles. The idea of going to the moon was unimaginable.

On December 7, 1972, My childhood changed a bit. I remember my Grandpa calling me into the living room to watch TV. Walter Cronkite was talking about the Apollo launch that was happening that afternoon. We sat and watched every minute of the coverage from the staging to the launch.  I’m not sure who was more excited about the launch, him or me, but I know that I remember it in detail. I remember the countdown, the launch and the excitement in Grandpa’s voice as he screamed “Jimmy, would you look at that.” I’ll never forget the moment or the man.

As an adult, the Space program and its various launches have always brought back memories of those childhood dreams and my Grandpa. Unfortunately, tomorrow those regular reminders will go away when the last Space Shuttle lands on terra firma. But today, I choose to remember the man who showed me how to "keep my feet on the ground but keep reaching for the stars."

Grandpa was a hulking man. His tastes were simple and came from being a child of the Depression. Always soft spoken and kind, I do not remember him ever raising his voice to anyone. He spent his days as a Tool and Die Maker at the local appliance factory and his evenings in his recliner chair watching the news and Lawrence Welk. As near as I can tell, there were only a few things in life that ever got his true attention; The Cincinnati Red Legs, Walter Cronkite, space launches and me.

I remember him coming home from work and quickly finding his recliner and me quickly finding his lap. When you’re a small boy, the lap of a man this large was a place in which you could disappear. I remember to this day his musty smell from a day at the factory and I always thought that he smelled like soup. I would watch in fascination as he would roll his own cigarettes and lick them sealed. Sometimes I would pick up his Zippo lighter, the one with the Rebel Soldier and the phrase “Rebel Yell”, and light the cigarette for him…..always to my Grandma’s chagrin.

We would play banjo on the porch, Listen to the Reds, mow the yard and chop wood. Chopping wood was high on my Grandma’s watch list, because she was certain that my five year old fingers were in jeopardy. She would stomp and scream, lose control and yell that she would rather see a “Coal black rattlesnake in my hands” than the small hatchet that I used to massacre the tree stumps in the basement. I always thought that was funny. I mean everyone knows that you can’t chop wood with a rattlesnake.

As a child who’s Dad had died, I loved the man time with Grandpa. All the games, mowing and chopping were great, but my favorite times were when we would “run away”. Our version of running away was a walk to the local Village Pantry convenience store. We’d walk the five blocks talking nonstop about the Big Red Machine, buy some RC Cola’s and sit outside the store on a picnic table in the sun. He would talk to me about life and tell me that I "could do anything". Before we left, Grandpa would always insist that we “forgot” something and needed to go back in the store. It turns out that we always forgot baseball cards or green soldier men for me. We would walk home to a seemingly angry Grandma, who was mad because we’d been “gone all day.” Little did I know that this was all an act conjured up by my Grandpa to assure that we’d have to make it up to her by taking her into town for a piece of Kunkle’s pie.

That was the man that he was. He spoke of me going to college and chasing my dreams. He told me that there was a "big world out there, don't miss it"....implying that maybe he had. He wanted me to know that there was something more for me out there and when he said that I "could do anything", he meant it.

So, needless to say, a week ago, I was saddened to see the last NASA Space Shuttle take flight and I’m even sadder that tomorrow will be that last landing thereby ending the program. It will be one less reminder of the man and the role that he played in my life.

I fear that future generations won’t have these moments. Our sophisticated ways make it difficult to recognize the simple pleasures of life or the amazing ones. Xbox 360’s have replaced green army men, instant messaging has replaced long walks and now there is no more space program to fascinate young minds. Progress in many ways fuels the world, but are we “gaining the world, but losing our souls”?

This world needs more people that are willing to invest the time to be good teachers, coaches and role models. I pray that there are more guides and mentors that will take the time to teach kids about using their imagination, chasing dreams and the pleasure that comes from simple things. I hope that every kid finds people to teach them......like my Grandpa did for me.

“If a child is to keep alive his inborn sense of wonder ...

 he needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share it,

rediscovering with him the joy, excitement, and mystery of the world we live in.”
- Rachel Carson

The Princess with the funny shaped crown

“‘I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders.”- Jewish Proverb

In everyone’s life hopefully there are people that motivate and inspire them. I refer to these people as touch stones. A touch stone is actually an assayer’s tool for identifying precious metals. I use the term as a way of identifying precious people.

One of my touch stones is a little girl named Mariella. She was born with a very scary medical condition. I have the good fortune of calling Mariella’s Mom my friend. About six years ago, Kathy introduced me to this special little girl. The world knows her as Mariella. I know her as my Princess.

At only seven years old, the Princess has seen more of the world than most. Unfortunately many of those travels have been to some of the finest medical facilities in America. Mariella was born with a condition known as Ectodermal Dysplasias (ED). E.D. is a condition that causes the bones in her tiny skull to fuse instead of expanding as she grows. As her brain grows it pushes against her skull which cannot expand to meet that growth. The condition is very rare as are some of the other “less” threatening symptoms that are also part of the mix.

As I said earlier, Mariella has been tested in some of the finest medical facilities known to man. World renowned specialists at medical centers like Stanford University have tested her looking for answers to what causes her to suffer from this condition. Each time they have come back with only bits and pieces of a diagnosis. As rare as a disease like as Ectodermal Dysplasias is, Mariella’s version of it is even rarer and the continued fusing of her skull has required multiple surgeries to her head and face.

Through it all, my friend Kathy has been strong. She has kept it together as a single mom and has employed every option despite the costs or time commitment. People are sometimes described as being a “rock”. In this case, the woman has been chiseled from granite.

There is a saying about apples falling and trees and in this case the child is obviously her Mothers daughter; a mother of pride and dignity pushing through adversity and refusing to fail. This Mothers spirit permeates the child and that has shaped Mariella into one my touch stones. I hope to try and emulate her spirit and to live as she does; Fearless, engaged and enthusiastic.

Fearless to the point of being scary at times, she is unafraid of new places. She is unencumbered with the fear of striking out on her own. This child is an adventurous soul who has seen some of the worst that life has to offer and has come out unafraid to approach life on her terms.

Engaged and completely open to new people, she is always welcoming of strangers who quickly become her friends. Even those people who are at first distracted by her appearance soon only see the beauty of her soul.

Enthusiastic….The child is a fire ball. When others might hide in a corner, she is the typical seven year old. Dancing, singing and jumping as you would expect a child her age to do. Feeling bad? No problem. In pain from surgery? No problem. She does not let those “little” things deprive her of living life as she wants to live it.

So as I look at this child what do I see?  Challenges? Yes. Obvious differences? You Bet.

But I also see a person that is overcoming obstacles and is not letting excuses get in her way. She reminds me to be fearless. She reminds me to stay engaged. She reminds me that the enthusiasm that you put into life and into relationships comes back ten fold. She reminds me to smile. She reminds me to live.

Thank you Princess.

“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”- M. Kathleen Casey

Help Wanted: Superman, apply within

I want to go to Darfur.

Yes, I know what you’re thinking…. “Well who doesn’t?” But, I’m serious. I want to go to the middle of that mess and see what I can do to help. I have no false pretenses about fixing the situation. I mean, this African region in Sudan has suffered through war and famine since before I was born and I know no one man can end the situation. But I am certain I can help.

“Don’t hesitate to do something just because you can’t do everything.”

I know me and I know that I would be forever changed. I know that I would be haunted by the memories and that I would never look at a steak from St. Elmo’s the same way ever again. I’m prepared to live with that. I’m at the point in my life when I want to be……changed. I want to feel. I want to be uncomfortable. I want to have nightmares. I want to wake up exhausted and feed kids. I want to feel grateful and be……forever changed. 

What’s the alternative; living a life wrapped in comfort and bubble wrap? Living some Ward Cleaver-esque existance, sitting around on a Saturday debating on whether to go to Ikea, The Gap or Bob Evans?

Well, I’ll tell you what……. Fuck Ikea.

I need to find more personal battles to take up my free time. I need to pick my spots, whether it’s Darfur or any of the dozens of causes that touch me at my core. I need to dig in and stop being a hypocrite.

“and hypocrite used to be such a big word to you,

And it don’t seem to mean anything to you now.”- John Mellencamp

I know that I can’t do everything, but I can do something. It’s time for me to pick my spots and fight the good fight.  I know that Darfur won’t happen anytime soon, but for now, I can help locally. I know that I can make a difference. Moreover, I have to make a difference.

“If not me, who? And if not now, when?”- Mikhail Gorbachev

I’m not Superman, I don’t have a cape and god knows the next time that I wear spandex will be the first. I am no miracle worker and my odds of walking on water are pretty slim. I know that I will not be able to help them all, but I can surely help one. I can, and I must and I promise you this…..I will try and carry the following words in my heart every day.

“There are two kinds of gratitude; the sudden kind we feel for what we take and the larger kind we feel for what we give.”

- Edwin Arlington Robinson

Join me, Wont you?

Thank you, but I do not need Viagra

I made the mistake of signing up on a website a few weeks back and now I am receiving 15-30 spam emails a day.....all wanting my attention and my money. I am amazed by the plethora of goods and services available at the mere click of a button.

At my fingertips at any given time I can purchase pharmaceuticals, earn a PhD, lose weight, buy tires, learn Spanish, order Viagra and support the Green Party all within seconds of each other. The transactional possibilities are endless.

Wait a minute, Viagra? That’s silly; I have no issues….down there. What have they heard? Who’s been talking? Good lord, that’s just…. Ridiculous!

And I like the Green Party well enough, what’s not to like about hippy girls, the Grateful Dead and Birkenstocks? I’m down with the hippies and I like trees, so there, I'm in….done.

But I don’t need tires, don’t watch porn, don’t like Bermuda, have no interest in Elle Magazine and I’m not sure that a degree from the University of Phoenix is even considered a real degree.

Spanish on the other hand…..I wouldn’t mind learning Spanish and 14 days does seem like a perfect timeframe for me. Get in fast, get out clean and 14 days later….Mi habla the Espanole! Or something like that, I may need something more to say than “Cerveza, Mi Amigo” next time I go to the Yucatan.

But I’m not joining the Moose Lodge or studying to become a nun. I don’t want free makeup or discounted pain killers and for the love of God, I refuse to buy any damned Viagra.

I mean, how did they hear about me…..anyway?

The Top 10 Best Fast Food restaurants in America

I have had the good fortune to be able to travel the country for my job. This traveling gives me perspective on many things. One of the things that I get asked about the most is food. People approach me and ask for recommendations for cities that they will be visiting. So, I thought that I would put together my list of the ten best fast food places in America.

Disclaimer: These are only my opinions. Past history is no guarantee of future success. Your actual results may vary. Not licensed by, or affiliated with Major League Baseball.

My Top 10 Fast Food Joints in America.

1. The Varsity- Atlanta GA.

 The Big Daddy of them all, The Varsity was founded in 1928 and has kept Atlanta stocked with Chili Burgers, slaw dogs and Orange Whips ever sense. Located just minutes from the Georgia Tech campus, The Varsity is packed to its rafters on Saturdays during the football season ("Have your money out and your food on your mind, and I'll getcha to the game on time!"). Then again, it’s packed every day. But be forewarned, before you step up to one of the dozens of registers. You better know what you want and make it snappy, because you’ll hear “What’ll you have, what’ll you have” being barked at you by the cashiers as you walk up. Linger too long, and you’ll hear “Next”.

      2. Hollis Burger- Hollis, Queens, NY

Hollis Burger is in the heart of Hollis, Queens, One of the Hip Hop capitals of the world. When you walk into Hollis Burger, that point is made abundantly clear by the Hip Hop memorabilia that is hung on the walls and ceiling. Owned by a close friend of the band Run DMC, Hollis Burger is known for their unbelievable hand pattied burgers, each one cooked to order. They make the best burger that I have ever encountered, but don’t ask for a Coke because they don’t have any. However, they can hook you up with some purple drink made in five gallon containers on site.

 They take some time to cook, so look around, check out the autographed shoes and photos, and talk to the staff. I was the only white boy within four miles when I went there and the staff kept me entertained by inviting me into the kitchen. They showed me their process on making the burgers and steaming the buns. They also busted my balls a bit laughing and telling me “White Boy must sure need a burger.”

3. The Papaya King- New York, NY

Nearly 80 old, The Papaya King is one of those quintessential New York experiences. Started as a juice store, The Papaya King nearly went out of business until they started selling hot dogs to German- American immigrants and the rest as they say….is history.

4. Belle Isle Seafood- Boston, MA

 Only two words need to be said here; Lobster Roll. Spectacular in its simplicity, the lobster roll at Belle Isle is a life changing experience, Belle Isle may not be an upscale place and you’ll probably wonder if you’re doing the right thing by walking in. Please do, this menu was blessed by the seafood gods and fit for Poseidon himself, the lobster roll, however is better left to us mere mortals.

5. Tony Luke's- Philadelphia, PA

 Philadelphia is known for their cheese steaks and Tony Luke’s is no exception. What sets Tony’s place apart is their service and the fact is an actual sit down restaurant. Tony Luke is a restaurateur, actor and musician. He is also one scary looking dude and when he comes to your table to chat, be on your toes. He may just sit down and tell you his life’s story. He did with me and I am glad to have had the experience.

6. Pink's Hot Dogs- Hollywood, CA

Quite simply Pink’s is Hollywood. Started in 1939, Pink’s has been handing some of the best hot dogs in the world out of its walk up windows to movie stars, tourists and area workers ever since.

The place is always busy and you will wait, but the good news is that you may be waiting standing next to Andy Garcia or Jimmy Kimmel.

 7. Hot Doug's Encased Meat Emporium.- Chicago, IL

 If there is such a thing as a gourmet hot dog, Hot Doug’s has it. Hot Doug’s has quite simply the best hot dogs known to man. Located off the beaten path, the only reason that you would come to this neighborhood restaurant would be to seek out a nirvana inducing encased meat experience. Plan ahead and give yourself extra time, the lines are long. You’ll wait thirty minutes to get in the door and ten more waiting to get to the counter, but don’t give up….Heaven is just around that corner.

8. The Falafel Drive In- San Jose, CA

 I know what you’re thinking… falafel? Yes…. falafel. The Falafel Drive In is not a place that will catch your eye as you drive by. It will not suck you in with neon signs or blinking lights, because they have none. Nor do they have many other niceties that you might expect in a modern restaurant. Small tables create cramped quarters, but when you taste their falafel….you forget to care.

9. Nathan's Famous- Coney Island, NY

 Nathan’s began in 1916 when Nathan Handwerker began selling his hot dogs for a nickel on Coney Island. Many years later Nathan’s truly is famous for their hot dogs and the hot dog eating contest that is held on Coney Island every July 4^th. I put a dent into a few but could not come close to the eating contest record of 68 which truly is too much of a good thing.

10. In-N-Out Burger- Gilroy, CA

 As the only chain restaurant on the list, the experience of eating at an In-N-Out burger is like no other. As you stand in lines twenty deep you have to send a member of your party out to try and snag a table, especially if you want a choice outside spot. The wait is miserable but the food is worth it or should I say the hamburgers are. When your number is finally called you get handed beautifully cooked burgers, wrapped in paper to keep the juicy burgers from dripping down your chin. Heaven on a bun in the sunshine…. Just can’t beat it.   

    There it is.... my list. Sometimes I can be right, sometimes wrong and sometimes I am completely  full of shit. So, make your own list, but make sure and send me your favorites.

Anybody have any insight on a great taco joint in Boise? C'mon, hook a brother up.

The Perspective that Cancer Brings

Life is short, Live it.
Love is rare, Grab it.
Anger is bad, Dump it.
Fear sucks, Face it.
Memories are sweet, cherish it.

I once read a book written by Richard Carlson called Don’t sweat the small stuff….and it’s all small stuff.  The book was about dealing with life’s simple irritations and pressing on under adversity. I liked the title and considered it a great catch phrase when little things started to mount. I tried to take the philosophy of the book to heart, with little actual success, insisting on dwelling in the minutia of the daily grind.

For many years, that is how I have lived my life; sweating the details and waiting for the next issue to become a distraction. I have made mountains of molehills and had too many sleepless nights to count.

But a few months ago I had a revelation or should I say a revelation was thrust upon me. My Mother was diagnosed with inoperable cancer. When the Doctor looked at us and said the phrase ending in “nothing that we can do” it was one of those surreal moments that you only have when life hands you a big one.

My Mom and I have always had a close but trying relationship. It was tense at times due to our overall life philosophies and the differing ways that we viewed the world. We were both rigid in our beliefs and these differences were sometimes debated, sometimes screamed about and sometimes the only thing we could agree upon was to disagree.

Her guarded, small town, fearful ways were in direct conflict with my wish to live by the seat of my pants and see the world mentality. I thought she was wasting her life because she was missing it and she thought I was too flighty and could never settle. I traveled and she stayed home. I had many friends and she was somewhat of a loner. There were so many differences, but thank God for the few similarities otherwise there might have come a time where our relationship might have gotten strained beyond repair.

But, I will tell you this….when the man in the white coat says “cancer” and “terminal” in the same sentence those differences really stop mattering quickly. I found that the small stuff (and compared to that it all is) just fades away. Dennis Miller the genius comedian has a theory that he calls “The lump in your armpit theory’’. In his theory, you stop sweating the daily crap when you discover the lump. At that moment, nothing else matters.

So, I’m spending more time with my Mom visiting and cooking meals. We talk more on the phone and I exercise a patience that I have never showed before. I will not lie and tell you its easy and that every moment is a priceless gem but they are moments that I will not get back. I hope to make the most of every one of them now and I hope that this serves as a reminder to live each day fully because there are only so many tomorrows to go around.

“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,

                                      but by the moments that take our breath away”

The Traveling Jones

Dallas

If I can give you any advice.....it’s travel. Your body will hurt but your soul will flourish.

Be a part of the global picture. Get out of your comfort zone. Ask questions. Learn. Go to the airport bar, it's worth the $7.00. You'll be amazed at who you meet along the way.


To my new friends in Dallas....


Jen the lesbian, from Denver by way of Wisconsin who made me laugh. You’re my soul mate in another life. Maybe if things were different.....

"Joe" from Uganda, thanks for the five minute version of how you ended up in Dallas.

Cosel, my doe eyed Romanian Brother who tends bar at the airport and hopes people leave “moren a buck" and deserves much more than 20%. You taught me about life in "Delis" and the "Romeenian mobs" and may have been the funniest guy I've ever met. I still say the accent is money. Work it my man.

Ben from Marin, who films documentaries about fishing and wants to be Scorsese. He shoots films about trout.... and salmon for Canadian TV? Who knew? Give it time. Shit man you’re in Peru next week and British Columbia the week after. Enjoy it.

And to the drunken guy still waiting for his "girlfriend" to meet him at the airport..... Chicks not coming.....and you’re a bit of a dick..... Just sayin'.

Life is truly about people. Good or bad they all leave an impression.

Make sure you take time to notice.

The joy of watching others "win".

 

In life everyone runs.

The hard part is deciding whether

you’re running from something or towards something.

I had the opportunity to go to a triathlon on Saturday. The event, The Muncie 70.3 was a swim-bike-run triathlon which was open to pros and amateur competitors and is a qualifier for the prestigious Ironman series. The 70.3 refers to the combined miles the contestents cover during the event.

I attended the event with a good friend who is knowledgeable about the sport. One thing my friend said repeatedly was that most of the participants “Have a story”. He meant that everyone is out there for a reason and those reasons vary as much as the body types of the nearly two thousand competitors. Some were sleek and athletic and others were downright chubby. There were ladies in wheel chairs and men with prosthetic legs, all racing for their own reasons. Were they running from pain? Beating an addiction? Finding themselves through moments of Zen? Who knows, but I was humbled by their perseverance and their pride.

I went to the event to support a competitor, my good friend Sean. I have known Sean for roughly twenty years. We are both members of the same college fraternity but are separated in age by several years. Sean has his "story” too. I knew him when he was a cocky undergrad and watched him struggle through the cancer treatments that nearly took his life. I also watched that experience humble him and make him the tremendous man that he is today.

Sean competes in triathlons. He’s not particularly fast. He may never win an event. But for him, competing is about much more than winning. To him the act of doing the training and participating is winning. It is his way of looking cancer in the eye and knowing that he won the battle and is winning the war.

I was overwhelmed to witness all the "stories” on display on Saturday. I would love to know more about many of the competitors and their particular reasons. I’m sure I missed out on some very inspiring details, but on this day one story mattered the most and I will always be happy that I was there to share in my friends’ personal victory.  

“Victory is sweetest when you’ve known defeat.”- Malcolm S. Forbes

The Blink of an Eye

Walt Whitman once said, “I see great things in baseball. It’s our game- The American game.”

Walt was right. He knew the bond between the American people and “our game”. He knew that baseball was a game that afforded its fans the chance to fall in love, to feast and to feel; to bleed Dodger blue, dream of pinstripes or wait hopelessly for next year.

The game of baseball is chocked full of traditions. One of those great traditions that is so endearing to fans comes when a player flips a ball into the stands, The ball is meant to be caught by a fan, who’s memory of the moment shared with a big leaguer with be regaled at pubs and picnics for many years to come.

Last night, Josh Hamilton of the Texas Rangers caught a baseball and looked into the crowd. He spotted Shannon Stone who was yelling for him to throw him the ball. Josh Hamilton tossed the ball to an excited Stone. Stone misjudged the ball, lost his balance and fell twenty feet to his death. These encounters happen hundreds of times every year. Rarely is there any other outcome other than a fan that is thrilled with their souvenir. However the stadium did not have a safety net and a man died. In the blink of an eye a family was forever altered by what was intended to be a warm gesture.

This is significant in other ways as well. For those unfamiliar with Josh Hamilton his life’s story reads like a fiction novel; a former number one pick, his injuries and drug addiction addled his body. His three year blacklisting from baseball shook his confidence to the point of depression. Hamilton's struggles are widely documented and today Josh Hamilton will once again question himself. He will struggle with the part he played in the death of another. He will always wonder what would have happened if……

Josh will also know that in the blink of an eye the world can change. I hope he will realize that his part although intergral to the event carries no blame. I hope those questions that he will ask won't take him back to his earlier self doubts. I also hope  the next time he’s in a similar situation…..he smiles and does the right thing. Toss it again Josh. No regrets.

Life is too short to live our days in fear and self doubt. Live your life, take a leap, feel the scrapes and have no regrets.

Diversity and the Big Green Mansion

Around 1985, I left the small town that I grew up in to attend college at Ball State University. I was a small town boy with small time attitudes. Having attended a high school that was 99.5% white, I was Wonder Bread white. Not exactly worldly in my views, I knew like twelve black people and the three Vietnamese kids who were adopted after the war. The thought of having a friend who was gay never crossed my mind. I mean what would people think?

I, like many others decided to go through Greek Rush and see if I had what it took to be a “Fraternity Man”.  At that time the way you looked at the organizations was to go on a round robin walk where you visited every fraternity on campus. This gave you the chance to decide which house that you wanted to pursue.

As I visited the houses I took mental notes on each one; Lamba Chi’s were stuck up and rich, Phi Delts were jocks, etc. Then I walked into the Phi Sig House. Phi Sigma Epsilon was a house full of mutts and the house was…..um, less than stellar. The green farmhouse stood out against the backdrop of brick mansions. The weird thing was that it just felt right, comfortable as an old shoe. So this was the place that I wanted to be.

Over the next few years I learned how truly different this group was. We would always profess to not be like the other fraternities. I have joked afterwards that we were the “Statue of Liberty of fraternities; give us your weak, your poor and your huddled masses.” Our similarities made us friends and our differences made us brothers.

We were accepting of nearly everyone and we had guys of all shapes and sizes. There were very wealthy brothers rooming with guys that were living on Ramen noodles. We had ROTC students and guys who followed the Dead. Our parking lot was littered with what looked like a used car lot. But somehow this socio-economic soup worked, with one small exception. We didn’t discuss that some of our brothers might be gay.

As I said, this was 1985 and some things were still a bit taboo. We accepted these guys as brothers, but we really didn’t want to question things too much. Our “Don’t ask-Don’t tell” policy seemed to work and there was peace and tranquility except for the unspoken fact that several of our brothers were living secret lives. These brothers were afraid to tell us who they really were and probably rightfully so. Who knows what the group think would have been if we would have truly “known”.  I’d like to think that once again, we would have been stepped up and been different but who knows how a twenty year old me would have reacted?

Now over twenty years later, several of our brothers have come out; some in grand fashion and some in very private ways. Has it been easy? No. Have there been moments of angst? Sure. Have they gotten their fair share of barbs thrown their way? Of course, but their Phi Sigs and that’s what we do. But I’m very proud to say that they were not embraced because of being gay. They were embraced, as they always were for being one of us. Friends are friends and brothers are brothers and what makes us different makes us great.

Both time and life’s lessons have taught me that life is too short to sweat the little things. In some ways age does bring wisdom. Take time to learn and grow and change. Embrace the differences in people and learn the lessons that they bring. Your life will be much richer for it.

“We must learn to live together as brothers or perish as fools.”

                                                        - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Unexpected Inspiration

"We are all civilized people, which means that we are all savages at heart but observing a few amenities of civilized behavior." - Tennessee Williams

I knew who Dhani Jones was; pretty darn good Linebacker for the Cincinnati Bengals….well spoken…star of that travel show…..cool cat in the bow tie. He’s been around for a while, so yes, I was familiar. But in the last few weeks he’s been everywhere, being interviewed about his new book, The Sportsman. I’ve heard him on radio and TV; I’ve seen some written articles. The man’s like a Visa advertisement, he’s “Everywhere you want to be.”

These interviews have helped me understand that this guy is “different”.  He is not your stereotypical self absorbed jock like so many we see on the late night news. Dhani is an entrepreneur and a philanthropist, a true modern day renaissance man with more interests than time will allow. He travels the world and firmly believes that you can only learn about a culture by being immersed in it.

The man is also a damned good football player who balances his life by embracing his “softer” side. A bone crushing Linebacker who tackles Quarterbacks with reckless abandon he also designs bow ties for charity, opens cafes, and authors books. His balancing act is an amazing feat worth noticing and emulating. As I struggle to find my direction, I will look to him and people like him who show us every day that you can embrace things that seem diametrically opposed and that those things can coexist in amazing ways.

I too have many passions.
I must learn to find ways to embrace them all.

Thanks Dhani for showing me the road.

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing” – Helen Keller


To learn more about Dhani Jones
http://dhanijones.tv/

The Ecstatic Experience

"The soul should always stand ajar,
ready to welcome the ecstatic experience."
-Emily Dickinson

Some days are made for beauty, today was such a day. Today I purposed to adventure into our local botanical garden, Zoo and Museum of Art on a quest for the beautiful. My soul needed beauty and culture and soul and I found it in the heart of Indianapolis.

Indianapolis is a city on the come. It is known as a great event and sports city. But to most, including yours truly, it’s a highly underrated city. Often times I forget what a great city it is and compare it to places in past lives or of future dreams. I am guilty of forgetting to live in the moment and look around to see the now.  

“If you don't stop and look around once in awhile you could miss it.”

- Ferris Bueller

Ferris had a great point. Live in the now. Take time to cherish the moment. Don’t be afraid to feel. Feeling is what makes us know that we are alive. Don’t spend so much time dreaming of tomorrow at the expense of today.  

So walk into a specialty store and learn about tea or a gourmet store and sample cheeses. Drive a few extra minutes. Listen to new music. Read a good book.....Look under the rocks. Visit new places. Look for the experiences. I promise that you…and I will not regret it.

It is nice to plan and to dream as long as we do not forget to live.