I once read a book written by Richard Carlson called Don’t sweat the small stuff….and it’s all small stuff. The book was about dealing with life’s simple irritations and pressing on under adversity. I liked the title and considered it a great catch phrase when little things started to mount. I tried to take the philosophy of the book to heart, with little actual success, insisting on dwelling in the minutia of the daily grind.
For many years, that is how I have lived my life; sweating the details and waiting for the next issue to become a distraction. I have made mountains of molehills and had too many sleepless nights to count.
But a few months ago I had a revelation or should I say a revelation was thrust upon me. My Mother was diagnosed with inoperable cancer. When the Doctor looked at us and said the phrase ending in “nothing that we can do” it was one of those surreal moments that you only have when life hands you a big one.
My Mom and I have always had a close but trying relationship. It was tense at times due to our overall life philosophies and the differing ways that we viewed the world. We were both rigid in our beliefs and these differences were sometimes debated, sometimes screamed about and sometimes the only thing we could agree upon was to disagree.
Her guarded, small town, fearful ways were in direct conflict with my wish to live by the seat of my pants and see the world mentality. I thought she was wasting her life because she was missing it and she thought I was too flighty and could never settle. I traveled and she stayed home. I had many friends and she was somewhat of a loner. There were so many differences, but thank God for the few similarities otherwise there might have come a time where our relationship might have gotten strained beyond repair.
But, I will tell you this….when the man in the white coat says “cancer” and “terminal” in the same sentence those differences really stop mattering quickly. I found that the small stuff (and compared to that it all is) just fades away. Dennis Miller the genius comedian has a theory that he calls “The lump in your armpit theory’’. In his theory, you stop sweating the daily crap when you discover the lump. At that moment, nothing else matters.
So, I’m spending more time with my Mom visiting and cooking meals. We talk more on the phone and I exercise a patience that I have never showed before. I will not lie and tell you its easy and that every moment is a priceless gem but they are moments that I will not get back. I hope to make the most of every one of them now and I hope that this serves as a reminder to live each day fully because there are only so many tomorrows to go around.
“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,
but by the moments that take our breath away”
